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♥ Baby, I'm Yours . |
Disclaimer Navigate Baby=Posts ; Yours=Profile, Links, Tagboard If you love me, then thank you! If you My apologies, if my blog or any post written caused offence against anybody. Please adhere to my rules. Spam, vulgarities and insults tagged on the Tagboard would be banned and removed. Lastly, I don't bite but I kill :X *Muahahahahahahaha* Once you stepped in here, you can never leave! Lol, Joking ;) Meanwhile, Do enjoy your stay! Thank You. Bold Underline |
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The boy next door
1:24 PM
I was in love with the boy next door since who knows when, I denied to myself but everytime I saw him, I took a peep at him. One day, he turned back, looked at me and smiled. And now here we are, a perfect couple.He's got brown skin shining in the sun, messy hair and oakley sunglasses on. He's a lifeguard, a student and my most caring lover. He has the character of a bad boy but he treated me good, all the best he could to complete my overly pampered life. I'm a student and his sweetest lover. I have the character of a shy girl and a patient in an asylum, he did not mind yet always concerning me in whatever he could to get entry into my locked up heart. I have an issue with infidelity and afraid of losing since who knows when, since then I turned myself into what I wasn't. The feeling of losing someone dearest always remained in my head since the day my grandfather left for another world. And infidelity, is the result when you did not cared or loved someone as much as he loved you. I'm crying everytime I had to talk about this. My issue and his bad boy issue affected our ever once perfect relationship. Everything wasn't like before and it's always hard to get through. We've quarrelled almost everytime and he thought, I've changed. Freedom, was what he wanted. Every perfect relationship isn't so perfect as everyone thought. You'll never get to see what's behind it, unless you experienced it yourself. His bad boy issue made my parents dislike him, I loved him and I loved my parents. Everytime, I'm so stuck in between. I had to juggle this imbalanceness all by myself. It was hard, sometimes I feel like a mental patient. My issue got me worried over him, perhaps one day he likes another girl like his dad did. It's not that I don't trust him, when you have an issue, that's when an issue make it an issue. Feelings are always ever-changing, you don't expect someone who angers you and you suddenly feel good about them again. You don't know when it will change and when it change there's no turning back. And the afraidness of losing, got me held him so tight until it was hard for him to breathe. I wish I was way back then did'nt have this kinda feeling, it makes me suffocate too. Everytime I got mad and he got mad, I just wished I had the courage to just hold his gentle arms back. Yesterday, I hugged him after I got mad and he got mad and it was such an emotional imbalance until I had to cry in his arms before moving on. We, nevertheless still held on to our beliefs and it was he was the only one I wanted and I am the only one he wanted. And, there are definitely many more obstacles for us to tackle. I hope we have the courage not to give up so easily because we had come this far and we held on to our beliefs a long long time ago, it's just that we did'nt realise we're in the midst of it. Parents are always the role model and whatever parents do does affect the child. I know because I experience it myself. Curiousity definitely got the better of me and I can't seem to breakaway from my issue. And, don't tell me I'm crazy because I am and I know I'm turning into one. Meanwhile, I know where am I heading to. I've no regrets since he's the only person that I felt we have so much in common and only a clash in character because it was hard for a bad boy to even take care of a pampered kid, what more a pampered kid with mental issue. But I know, he'll be there. P.S: Thanks baby, for always being there when I needed you. I blame myself for not appreciating you when you're concern about me yet I just want to do the things that is ain't right for me. I hope after reading this, you'll know how I feel and perhaps understand how to deal with me better. Nonetheless, I love you and you're all I ever wanted, really. I know I'm not your perfect type, but you're mine. Please continue to believe in us and I know what we're wishing for will come true someday. Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Ohisashiburi desu ne.
12:11 AM
It's been long since I've updated.Yup. I've always been half - hearted in everything I do. I don't deny that, including blogging and my recent activites on the guitar. Perhaps I had not found something that I can put my heart into or maybe it's just me. Well, that's definitely something for me to think about. Heard from Yeeling that she likes to read wordy stuffs, and apologies to my long hiatus, this post is for people who love and care about me. It would also perhaps be my last post on this blog. To be honest, I don't deny I'm a strawberry. As in, I can't withstand any form of irregularities in my life. Life's getting tough and I would have to get through all that. And for Jon, is he the one for me? After many times he hurt me, once and once again, so many people had persuaded me to give him up. What's holding me back? 2 years and 9 months together, through thick and thin we went through and I believe that's not all. It's gonna be getting tougher like life, having more and more obstacles, problems and endless quarrels to go through. I've given up on myself alot of time and to all my haters out there, good news for you, you could just bring me down, like snap. I don't fear life, I don't fear death. I just fear, being alone. Tried to end life a few times and wake up feeling stronger. Perhaps, the belief in God made me felt stronger everytime I give up on myself just because He was there and I don't want the same tradegy to happen once again. I might sound pessimistic now and optimistic in life. Because what I wanted most is for people around me to smile. But no one really knows how I feel inside, not you, not even anyone close. Everytime I wake up in the morning, what keeps me going is the thrust in me, the hope for a brighter future, better day. A hope for miracles to happen. And what keeps me moving forward is the thought of those people who are suffering far worst than what I am feeling. I am fortunate, than them. I came to a conclusion that life is a challenge, a philosophy of your goals in why you are living, a biography on yourself and how you look upon yourself and others. Treat people the way you want people to treat you. Because in the end, people would want to remember you for the kind things you've ever done to them and forgive the mistakes you've made to them. To err is human. Who doesn't make any mistakes in life? If today is your last day, and tomorrow was too late, do you still think you could say goodbye to yesterday? Would you call those friends you never see, reminisce old memories, would you forgive your enemies? If today was your last day, what would you do? :) To all those who loved and cared for me, you guys would never be forgotten in my heart. Continue smiling and live a life you want. Don't ever give up. Success are made up of failures and experiences. Because you are living today, you get the chance to see the beauty of tomorrow. Lastly, life is fragile, cherish youurself and others because you can never live it twice. Til I know what I want in life, I'll be going for a long hiatus off blogging. This post might seem philosophical, but I wrote it from the bottom of my heart. Just an evaluation of my life and perhaps to ease my guilty conscience for leaving the lesson half way through on evaluation. Like it or not, it's your choice. No one is gonna choose it for you. But once you made it, don't regret it. Because it would be remained always in you no matter how hard you try to change it. Ps: I'm moving to somewhere nearer to town in August. I'll cordially invite close friends of mine to attend the house warming. Do inform me personally via HP or any form of contact if you wanna attend too. Thanks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Thursday, May 14, 2009
Lonely
7:38 PM
Yesterday did'nt blog cus' I was too tired.I finished my RJ and down I go! Today's Science, and saw my last week's grade for Science today. It's F. Pretty shocked, because I thought I did average. At least average enough to pass. What he commented was that I wasn't contributing to the team and I was busy using MSN. -.- Now I have 2 F(s). )': *Miserable* But I put in alot effort in Science today, hope I can get at least a C. I felt that the effort I put in is B lors! But, I think C is fine for me. Josephine Darling and Yeeling Dear wasn't in school today. It was such a 'loner' day in school. After class, no one accompany me even to the MRT lahs! )': Baby met me at Yew Tee MRT after that. I smiled at him, then he managed to feign a very small smile. He's always grumpy and 'cool' - looking. Did I talked about an incident? I was with him at Jurong Entertainment Center's food court. Baby and I was eating our food, when a old lady walked over. As it was lunch time and the place was packed with people. Spoke in chinese: "Anybody sitting here?" Baby always eats food with his head down and directly looking at his food. So, when he looked up at the old lady, his face was like super super super 'smelly'. Without saying another word, she left hurriedly. Can you imagine that? It's 'that' scary. Lol. Talking about that, it's been so long since I went out to shop. I kept shopping online and I think I'm becoming a shopaholic. But the thing is, I always choose things which is value for money. Lol, cheapskate right? But that's only for online case. In reality, if it's really drop dead gorgeous and it fits me, even if it cost a hundred bucks. I would buy it. I still remembered how I bought a plain looking tee for fifty plus bucks at Harbourfront. Come to think of it, my heart hurts. Lol, because it ain't that pretty. Well, I just wish Saturday would come in a jiffy. Tomorrow's my most hell-torture, most hated subject and plus the facilitator who is teaching us, that module is totally screwed. I got F for her first lesson, D for the next lesson and absent on the previous week lesson. I hate it so much because her comments are so mean and sometimes very untrue. Not only I complain about this, my classmates too. So, this teacher is so fucked up that even my classmate from China complains about her. Wondering why she always act kind, and backstabs us. She wrote on my comment that she's willing to teach. But what I heard from my classmates was,when they ask her, she doesn't really teach but expect them to know everything. I'm so not gonna survive Maths unless they change facilitator. Talking about her would make me die earlier. Smelly chicken egg. Lol. I wonder why I feel so lonely today. Even Baby left earlier because he was super tired. I really want having him stay another minute but my heart hurts whenever I see his tired face. So, I 'let him off'. Oh ya, I saw Edward when I was walking alone out of the school. He sort of tap on me and smiled. Lol, then I smiled back. So funny lor, whenever I see him, reminds me of Daphanie :X Not that he look like Daphanie lahs, but for other reasons. Lol, Daphanie sure angry when she sees this :X Sorry sorry! Lol. Shiqi not coming to school tomorrow lor! How am I going to survive with Naichao and Sara might leave halfway also lors. )': I'm like so predicting tomorrow gonna suck even more. Baby, I miss you. I wished you could protect me from 'bad' people like her. I don't want to cry in class again. Haish. Today Anggie Sis smsed me when I was at the train platform asking me whether if I wanna buy cosmetics at half-priced. I wanna get the Maybeline Eye Studio Gel Liner! But then my Japan Liquid Eyeliner still haven't use up. The lucky thing was, Agatha Beary smsed me telling me that Monday I can collect the 40 bucks my ex-choir conductor owe me for the choir costume. I'm so darn happy. Daphanie tell me GSS coming! I must really save money and stop buying online things! Maybe, I want to get a M)phosis sandal, Daphanie's one was so nice lah! And, perhaps get New Urban Male tank or havainas for Baby. I love shopping :X My post like getting super lengthy. If only I could write my RJ so long, Lol. Here's a quote by me: Lonely people talk less, writes more.  P/s: I love you even if you look more uncle-ish then that photo now. Lol. We were young, we loved, we cried, we've said a thousand goodbyes. No matter how far apart we are, you are always, here in my heart. Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Typical Day
11:59 PM
Monday, May 11, 2009
Nervous State of Mind
8:25 PM
I'm home after collecting the chain pendant and satin blazer from Agatha Beary.She's sweet enough to lend me her precious blazer and her cute pendant for tomorrow's audition. Thanks babe. But I guess I'm not gonna use the blazer. The reason being, it's fitting for me and not loose. Thus, kinda uncomfortable because i prefer it loose ! Well, I'll be using my Forever 21 Cream coloured layered cardigan instead. )': Took the train back with Josephine Darling as she was meeting a friend at Jurong Point. Then met up with Agatha at the Bank to make her ATM card, her queue number was damn long, wasn't very efficient. After that, we went to buy food and drinks and accompanied her mother to shop at NTUC. We were like finding spots in NTUC to munch our food, then i told her "Isn't this what we used to do in class?" Lol. Then we both laughed. Today presentation in school ran quite smoothly for my team, I supposed. Even though, It was damn rush ! Josephine Darling and me was like "Omg, omg, running out of time !" But, yea not as bad as I thought, but I stuttered on my slides -.- Tomorrow would be a typical boring Programming day with the faci asking numerous of relavant, irrelavant questions trying to find out what we've learnt without him teaching a single bit. Typical and so Predictable. Anyway, results for Hip-hop audition is NOT out yet. Oh my, it's taking quite a long time. As you can see, this is the reason of why my title is "Nervous State of Mind". Not only for Hip-hop, tomorrow's audition is freaking me out too. I began to ponder and doubt, is "How Do I Live" a good choice of song? "Do I really suit this song?", "What happen if i ran out of breath and spoilt the song?", "What can be done to make me stand out from the others?". I guess I'm really influenced by Republic's Problem Based Learning. I'm asking alot of questions now. Can someone boost me with a confident bar? I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach ! By the way, I have not bathe ! And I stink like a garbage truck. Thus, I'm bathing after this post before my stench fill my entire house. Lol. UT is around the corner, I'm so doomed :X P/s: Baby, I'm missing you alot, even though you don't talk to me with a nice attitude like you used to. I still love you. I promise myself to treat you better. I don't wanna quarrel anymore. I don't wanna cry, don't wanna see you upset, don't want us to fall apart. And, wish me all the best in my audition ! I would be so proud to prove something out of my singing. All my friends a.k.a supporters and baby, I love you guys ! And, apologies for my wordy post :X Break Time
11:27 AM
I'm in school having breaktime now.Josephine and Yeeling talking about relationship violence now. Remind me of what Jon used to do. )': Will he really change? I really want to last with you, baby. I hope all what we have been through, makes us stronger. Today is Cognitive and Problem Solving I. The faci is a whole lot better than the others. She caring, at least she cared and explain to every team what are we supposed to do. I'm thankful that I have Josephine Darling and Yeeling Dear by my side ! Love you babes. I'm also glad that, I have Agatha Beary, Daphanie, Esther, Minming ! Love you girls. Without you babes, I won't be me. I'm also thankful for those who helped me to get through my hardest times. At last, I want to thank God. Because I believe, my beloved grandfather would be safe in God's hands now. Hope today would be a great day for me. Hip-Hop audition results ! P/s: Wondering when would it be out .. Tags Reply Casper: Linked ;) Josephine♥: Darling ;) <3 Twelve Sharp
12:00 AM
Wow, another boring week will be starting.Replug IG Audition on Tuesday. I'm gonna sing a rendition of 'How Do I Live'. Cheer on me ! I miss my BABY, alot, ALOT! Oh yea, new blogskin, new school life, new posts. I hope it's gonna be great :-D Loves & kisses. P/s: I want to get into Replug and wow some audience ! Tags Reply Daphanie: Hi! & Thanks ;) Baoer: Hello ;) |
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